Now I do not believe I’m the one you should listen to when it comes to this particular topic, so obviously feel free not to read this. However, I seem to have a solid fanbase of freaks, so whatever, right.
I did mention the thing a few times though. The first time was many years ago, where I mentioned that ‘if you’re religious, I’d advise you to do a lot of praying’ or something like that. Essentially not much has changed in that respect. In any respect I’d say. I just got handed a few more years to my ass only.
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Anyway, I took 1mg of lorazepam every morning the past few weeks to kinda sleep on until noon (normally between 11am and 1pm). Today is the first day I didn’t do that. It’s time to get rid of all these things, as it seems that they’re bothering me much less. So yeah I’m doing much better. I biked 120km the past 4 days or so, and got out of bed at nine.
I did get massive help in cleaning my place though, so that obviously helps a lot. I’m moving countries soon. We’ll all see.
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Deliberately making someone ill and then spending years on keeping someone ill does not make one exactly pray. Pray to what, the medical-psychiatric overlords and their minions?
I don’t know. I feel awkward if I would pray by myself. Very awkward. It does not feel real to me. I do ‘say’ something silently sometimes to ‘whatever is out there’ but first of all it’s silent, secondly does it not happen very often and thirdly does it not really seem to have helped whatsoever 🙂
Now no. 3 is not that important. In all fairness the closest I got to praying is just sitting somewhere silently, preferably with some nature, and just stare into oblivion. Although it’s not praying.
Look. You folk had someone remembering I said I will be leaving on the 6th of next month. Eleven years ago it seemed to me that you folk would be ruining it even if I’d had gone to Thailand or on a summer trip with whom it might concern.
Well you just exactly did that, didn’t you?
What should I do, pray because the support of the ‘church people’ was tightly embedded into your freak show? Look I can’t do that.
I was not wrong. Everything you touched had the purpose of being ruined. You just did exactly what I expected. Even the 10k (Euro) I had for a little while I just threw away before you could go on playing dumb games with it.
What do you want me to do, say thank you?
Me, myself, I and my life are all being controlled by freaks.
Praying is of no use here.
And if it were I wouldn’t do it.
I asked for help. I did receive help. Weird stuff, and still integrated in your bullshit campaign, but some people did offer some help.
However I realized, like I wrote down 11 years ago, that I will never believe in some deterministic coming out of religion for me. It’s a personal thing. Praying will never offer me some form of comfort either, I’m pretty sure about that as well.
I can’t say the freak show has helped with that. I’m not sure if I needed any help with that anyway.
I’m glad I did receive some help, don’t get me wrong here. It doesn’t work if you try to ruin someone for life though, succeed and pretend that you’re actually doing something while trying to run a lunatic on and offline rpg for years and years on end.
I think I’m fine with my own ways here. The religious stories are nice though, and I am always interested in some theoretical philosophical hallelujah.
But I don’t think I’m a very religious person in the conventional way. I would not even know who or what to believe in in the first place.
So yeah. But hey, if you’re religious, you got some praying to do.
As contradictory as it may sound, I simultaneously do believe that as well.
I guess not much has changed here. But regardless, my life was and is problematic enough. I did not and do not need more expertly crafted madness that’s covered with a sauce of necessity and genius so you can force it through and watch the results.
You have ruined my life and for life, and tried to be smart about it.
I think prayers are not going to help me there.
And neither will they help you.
There is no way out of this anymore.
And neither do you care.
Or have you ever.